How does the beginning of my story sound?

Feb 18, 2012   //   by Administrator   //   Blog  //  No Comments

Danielle Asked: How does the beginning of my story sound?

Okay so this is my first time trying to write in first person.This is about a girl named Charlotte but prefers Charlie. I want this story to include Vampires, or anything supernatural, but with romance and action, maybe a little horror! I just cant get an idea on how to get them involved in the story but please give me ideas, criticism or opinions! Thank you guys so much (:

Sometimes living alone with my father was like being alone in Hades.
Cant you just go to your mothers for a little while? I dont know, a few months, a year maybe? I stared at him blankly, trying to conceal my anger, before I answered him sarcastically.
Sure Dad, I can just pack up my whole life, school, friends, and all, and then just leave. It was true I couldnt leave school, but friends? Well a girl like me had none.I mean, since my preschool days it had been drilled into my head, school work before anything. And with work always needing improvement, I had no time for anything else. A seventeen year old with no life, great.
I dont see the problem. I spoke with the school, and your mother agrees that you should go down there with her, and Tommy. Her mother, Felicity Gonzalez had married to her father, Richard Mane seventeen years ago, and four years later had divorced him, leaving her only daughter. So much for motherly love.
I dont understand why you need me to spend bonding time with Felicity. The last time you saw her, you told me she was a bad influence. A no good women were his exact words.
Charlotte Elise Mane. No more buts, or ands, the tickets are being bought this evening. See you at home, he said sternly before quickly walking away. He was almost jogging, the coward. I grabbed my backpack and stomped angrily toward my green Lexus before slamming the door and grumbling to myself. Id never been one for tantrums, but I was so pissed. How could he after being with me seventeen years of my life, think it was better to send me with Felicity.
School went by fast; I sat in the back of the same Honors classes every day without being noticed, and I was glad to go by without attention. I drove slowly home not in a hurry to be there, but too soon I reached my driveway.My house was two stories; it was painted dark brown, and thankfully had a garage. I wasnt rich, but I wasnt poor either, and more than three times I had thanked God, my father was a firefighter and wasnt home very much. My phone rang, the song I got a pocket full of sunshine kept repeating, fumbling for it, I finally pulled it out of my backpack.
Hello?
Charlie! My little brother screeched in my ear, his voice so loud I jerked the phone away and dropped it. Dang, I picked it up, wiping the dirt off the screen. My ear kept ringing, but I ignored it.
Tommy? How are you? Whats going on? Where mom? The five year old giggled before I heard my mother yelling that she was going to find him.
Tomster, are you being bad? I grinned when my mom laughed and Tommy screeched again. I really missed them.
Charlotte, sorry Tommy seems to enjoy hide-and-seek. I hated it when my mother called me Charlotte, it wasnt that I didnt like the name, I just preferred Charlie. I sighed.
Its alright mom, but guess what? I tried to sound enthusiastic but I had never been much of an actress, I just hoped my mom was fooled.
This has to be good, Mom said.
Well, Dads buying my plane tickets tonight.
Oh wonderful baby, youre going to love it here. But me and Tomster gatta run, got baseball practice. We love you.
I love you guys too. Have fun. I hung up and set my cellphone on counter before pulling out the ingredients to Spaghetti. Something simple tonight I decided, I was too tired to try anything else. Jeez, I was being so lazy today, maybe because Dad had exhausted me with the idea of moving to Missouri. I ran upstairs and stripped the sheets to my bed, and then I moved onto Richardss room. As always it was already clean so I pushed the laundry into the washer and left. It was only five thirty, so I grabbed my towel and took a shower, the hot water felt good as it spread through my hair

Answers:

Be The First To Answer This Question…

Got a better answer? Share it below!

Click Here World-class training methods teaches hundreds of marathoners an easier, faster and safer way to run!

Related posts:

  1. How does the beginning of my story sound?
  2. Have a beginning plot to a story but not sure how to make it into a creative story or end it?
  3. Have a beginning plot to a story but not sure how to make it into a creative story or end it?
  4. Thoughts on the beginning of my book?
  5. do u like the first chapter of my story?
Tags: , , ,

Leave a comment

CAPTCHA Image
*

How does the beginning of my story sound?

Feb 18, 2012   //   by Administrator   //   Blog  //  No Comments

Danielle Asked: How does the beginning of my story sound?

Okay so this is my first time trying to write in first person.This is about a girl named Charlotte but prefers Charlie. I want this story to include Vampires, or anything supernatural, but with romance and action, maybe a little horror! I just cant get an idea on how to get them involved in the story but please give me ideas, criticism or opinions! Thank you guys so much (:

Sometimes living alone with my father was like being alone in Hades.
Cant you just go to your mothers for a little while? I dont know, a few months, a year maybe? I stared at him blankly, trying to conceal my anger, before I answered him sarcastically.
Sure Dad, I can just pack up my whole life, school, friends, and all, and then just leave. It was true I couldnt leave school, but friends? Well a girl like me had none.I mean, since my preschool days it had been drilled into my head, school work before anything. And with work always needing improvement, I had no time for anything else. A seventeen year old with no life, great.
I dont see the problem. I spoke with the school, and your mother agrees that you should go down there with her, and Tommy. Her mother, Felicity Gonzalez had married to her father, Richard Mane seventeen years ago, and four years later had divorced him, leaving her only daughter. So much for motherly love.
I dont understand why you need me to spend bonding time with Felicity. The last time you saw her, you told me she was a bad influence. A no good women were his exact words.
Charlotte Elise Mane. No more buts, or ands, the tickets are being bought this evening. See you at home, he said sternly before quickly walking away. He was almost jogging, the coward. I grabbed my backpack and stomped angrily toward my green Lexus before slamming the door and grumbling to myself. Id never been one for tantrums, but I was so pissed. How could he after being with me seventeen years of my life, think it was better to send me with Felicity.
School went by fast; I sat in the back of the same Honors classes every day without being noticed, and I was glad to go by without attention. I drove slowly home not in a hurry to be there, but too soon I reached my driveway.My house was two stories; it was painted dark brown, and thankfully had a garage. I wasnt rich, but I wasnt poor either, and more than three times I had thanked God, my father was a firefighter and wasnt home very much. My phone rang, the song I got a pocket full of sunshine kept repeating, fumbling for it, I finally pulled it out of my backpack.
Hello?
Charlie! My little brother screeched in my ear, his voice so loud I jerked the phone away and dropped it. Dang, I picked it up, wiping the dirt off the screen. My ear kept ringing, but I ignored it.
Tommy? How are you? Whats going on? Where mom? The five year old giggled before I heard my mother yelling that she was going to find him.
Tomster, are you being bad? I grinned when my mom laughed and Tommy screeched again. I really missed them.
Charlotte, sorry Tommy seems to enjoy hide-and-seek. I hated it when my mother called me Charlotte, it wasnt that I didnt like the name, I just preferred Charlie. I sighed.
Its alright mom, but guess what? I tried to sound enthusiastic but I had never been much of an actress, I just hoped my mom was fooled.
This has to be good, Mom said.
Well, Dads buying my plane tickets tonight.
Oh wonderful baby, youre going to love it here. But me and Tomster gatta run, got baseball practice. We love you.
I love you guys too. Have fun. I hung up and set my cellphone on counter before pulling out the ingredients to Spaghetti. Something simple tonight I decided, I was too tired to try anything else. Jeez, I was being so lazy today, maybe because Dad had exhausted me with the idea of moving to Missouri. I ran upstairs and stripped the sheets to my bed, and then I moved onto Richardss room. As always it was already clean so I pushed the laundry into the washer and left. It was only five thirty, so I grabbed my towel and took a shower, the hot water felt good as it spread through my hair

Answers:

Be The First To Answer This Question…

Got a better answer? Share it below!

Click Here World-class training methods teaches hundreds of marathoners an easier, faster and safer way to run!

Related posts:

  1. How does the beginning of my story sound?
  2. Have a beginning plot to a story but not sure how to make it into a creative story or end it?
  3. Have a beginning plot to a story but not sure how to make it into a creative story or end it?
  4. Thoughts on the beginning of my book?
  5. do u like the first chapter of my story?
Tags:

Leave a comment

CAPTCHA Image
*

RSS Follow Us On Twitter

Follow Us On Facebook

Random Search Terms

Tags

ALWAYS Answered It Answered No Answered Try Answered Yes Answers Answered Answers Answered It Answers Answered No Answers Answered Yes ANYTHING ASAP Asked Does Australia BMI BTW Canada CPU england ER Garmin Forerunner GPS HD HELP HIIT HP HUGE James Asked LOT NO OK Open Question OS PC PE PLEASE RAM REALLY SO turkey TV UK US usa USB Yahoo Answers